Up the Down Escalator

"Marsh Reflections"

9"x12"

acrylic on canvas

"Marsh Reflections" was painted en plein air alongside the road right near Fort Mott. It was one of those days that no matter what I did I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I tried to head out early to paint but everything delayed my leaving the house. Then upon setting up my work station (see the above photo taken during painting "Morning Marsh") the flies came at me with a vengeance. The breeze shifted, which brought the flies and a very fishy smell. I refused to quit. Smacking biting flies off my legs and wishing I had brought sun screen I tried to stay focused. Then, in the distance, I hear a strange rumble interrupting the quiet still of the marsh. It grew louder. This did not bode well. Suddenly an 18 wheeler came flying down the road like it was on the interstate. This is a dead end road. Even though I was safely on the dirt shoulder the ground shuddered beneath me and my disposable palette flipped up and paint was everywhere. I continued painting. Then a cyclist, with quite the kit I must say, swerved awfully close to me because HE WAS ANSWERING HIS CELL PHONE! Ok people, if you are on your bike for some exercise and nature, stay the frig off your phone! Folks are funny. I got bitten one more time by a fly and a bee buzzed in my ear and I cursed loudly and packed up to finish the piece at home. Enough was enough. I didn't go through chemo and radiation to be killed on the side of the road for my art.

The lesson here is that if you feel like you are trying to run "up" the "down" escalator, change directions. Seriously, this is a very important lesson to learn. If you are feeling like no matter what you do you just can't make progress it is time to reevaluate and find something else to do. Life is not supposed to be that hard. I swear.

(Blogger is doing weird things with spacing today...please excuse that.)

Worn Through

"Worn Through"
18"x24"
acrylic on canvas

Back in 2005 I went for a stroll in Elsinboro Beach , Salem County. It is a strange place of beauty that is somewhat overshadowed by the nuclear plant lurking in the distance. I feel a certain pull to go there as I find an interesting juxtaposition between what is natural and what man has created. While walking along the beach that day I saw this little hole in the built up sand that the water had worn a path through. Rocks were perfectly lined up to direct the eye to this little natural bridge of sorts. It begged one to look at what was on the other side. I photographed it and did a tiny oil sketch of it in hopes of doing a larger piece later.

Last week after I received the news that perhaps the lymphoma beast was back, I pulled out that little sketch. I was full of anger, frustration and frankly rage. I felt just like that little hole in the earth so tread upon, so very worn. I feared I had nothing left to give to this cancer project. For the first time in this process I was terrified to be hopeful. Taking it out on the painting was the only thing I could think to do. At times it was just too painful to continue as I abstracted this image into something that was beyond just an opening in the earth.

As I look at it now I realize that despite my feeling of despair the colors are vibrant and there is a ton of energy in the piece. One cannot feel true anger at something that doesn't matter so for me the fight still obviously had meaning. Once I saw what was before me I was at peace with whatever fate dealt me. I realized I was not as worn through as I thought.

Being a very blessed individual, once again I was given a reprieve. The report came in today that my new scan shows less cellular activity than back in February. This means that it is the highest likelihood that what shows now on the screen is scar tissue and not active tumor. If my next test in 8-12 weeks shows the same or better information the word "remission" will finally be used. Another high possiblity is "cure" but that won't be mentioned for quite a few more years. I do believe now that I will hear that word as well.

I feel like I've won the lottery. I have my friends and family who stood by me every step of the way to thank for strength to keep moving forward.

Thank you everyone for your prayers. As you can see they worked.

How's the Fishin'?

"Morning Marsh"
9"x12"
acrylic on canvas

Sunday morning I was along the roadside of Supawna Meadows painting my little heart out. Last year I saw this little marsh area and knew that someday I would paint it. I have taken many photographs of it but never did they speak to me like standing there. Now that I am a newbie plein air painter I have the freedom of capturing what I see without needing a camera.

I think painting en plein air is so good for teaching one to truly be in the moment. Throughout my life I've always struggled with the concept. I've wasted much time thinking ahead or going over the past while the present just slipped away. As I painted "Morning Marsh" there was no time for anything but putting juicy paint on the canvas. With each passing minute the tide changed and my little mounds of mud were taking on a different look entirely. The light shifted. A blue heron flew into my scene and distracted me. I was stung by a little bee. Not one little second could be wasted on worry or planning. I was forced to just be and do. Truly a beautiful thing.

However, there was one moment that broke the spell. Two good old boys pulled up in their well used pickup truck. They glanced at my painting then walked right over to me in front of my painter's box and asked, "How's the fishin' here?" I'll refrain from comment.

The Lord Giveth...

"Waiting for You"
acrylic on paper
9"x12"

He sure do taketh away too. Well, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic but some weeks it seems as the good definitely comes with the bad. This week I'm happy to say I completed 3 paintings and touched up two old pieces that just needed a little love. I would consider that an extremely productive week in the studio. The art was flowing and it was good.


The above sketch and painting was created at Riverview Beach Park in Pennsville one evening as I was being eaten by noseeums. More perils of painting en plein air. I think it was worth it though. I feel this piece captured what I saw and felt as the day was ending. I'll post the other works later in the week. Don't want to give it to you all at once and spoil you.


So now you are wondering what could be the bad part of the week. Well, I wouldn't say it was bad necessarily, just frustrating. It seems my scan last week, the one that was supposed to declare my cancer finally in remission, came back sort of "questionable". It leaves the good doctors wondering if they got the beast the first time. If they didn't it means some pretty ugly treatment for Lori. However, I cannot get too upset yet as they just don't know. I need another type of scan now and perhaps more blood work to make them feel better. Maybe I should have named this post "Waiting". Or perhaps, "GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!"! I prefer the later.


So, nobody get nervous, it's not time for that yet. Basically I've learned to roll with the punches. I get upset for a day and even dance with the devil. However, I never dance long or let him lead. This is when things get challenging, when you are not actively battling the c-funk and waiting. If I am to survive this stupid thing I must be resilient and focus on all my joy. That focus got me 3 new paintings. It's a good thing...Martha would agree.

Perils of Plein Air

"Curious Shed"
9"x12" acrylic on panel

I watched videos of people painting outdoors many times. I've witnessed it as a passer by many times. However, I've only done it myself a few times. The few times I did it I was alone and hidden from other people and very close to my car. This time was different.

I went to the park last week and quickly sketched this old shed in someone's yard on the edge of the park. I liked how mysterious it looked. Due to the tree cover everything had a green cast. I did 4 sketches and have shared one with you as seen above though I changed the composition in the painting. I was excited to go back the next day and paint. Stamina, or lack there of, still requires that I do things in stages.

So the following day I happily walked through the park with my little painting supplies and folding chair. Like Superman changing in a phone booth I had everything ready to go in a flash. I had practiced in the comfort of my studio a few times so I wouldn't look like a complete fool in public. Right. I sit down and begin my session as a newly liberated painter of living nature. Masterpiece here I come.

Ok, nobody warned me that the birds beautiful songs would make me want to daydream. Not a soul mentioned how the ducks would find "my space" to be an interesting place to check out and beg for food. Let's not talk about the mosquito that had lots to say in my ear. I also won't mention the numerous ladies that came by to tell me about their very talented children that love to "do art". Basically, I was not prepared for the required focus of painting en plein air.

Needless to say I refused to come home with nothing. I worked feverishly so that the acrylics would not dry before I got to smoosh them around on the panel. In about 3 hours I finished the above painting. I felt as I had worked for 13. I was exhausted but in a good way. The experience was exhilarating and educational. I just love being outside and want to develop this skill so I can travel everywhere and paint the loveliness right in front of me. I have a long way to go before I'm comfortable with doing this but overall I don't see it as a bad start.

I have great hopes of making another attempt a painting at Riverview Beach Park in Pennsville, NJ this week. Feel free to stop by and tell me about your great Aunt Martha who does watercolors on Sundays.

Come and Sit Here

"Come and Sit Here"
9"x12"
acrylic on paper

As promised, here is the companion painting to the ACEO I shared with you in my last post. (By the way, it has been sold.) The color is close but it seems the camera lost some of the purples and reads them as black. It is close enough as I want all my energy to be spent painting, not playing with Photoshop.

I enjoy painting on water color paper. There is something freeing about it. I look forward to experimenting with texturing the paper first and heavily layering paint and scumbling to allow the previous layers to show through. I am developing this new style in acrylic. I am trying to express another side of myself, perhaps the less obvious and more "layered" side. Acrylic is so different from oils that it requires me to paint in a completely different manner. I like it as I have no expectations as of yet. It is far more immediate and requires me to be in the moment much more because if I don't work super fast it dries and I must start all over. It is less about blending and far more about layering. Feel free to let me know what you think about it.

I will continue to do my pet portrait work in the more detailed and realistic style using oil on canvas. That will never change. I've received some emails asking if I am back to accepting commissions. The answer is YES. How else do you expect me to afford to feed poor Gracie?

In my next post I will share my trials and tribulations with my first true painting "en plein air" with my new pochade box. So c'mon back.

ACEO Fun

"Come Sit Here"
3.5"x2.5" ACEO
colored pencil on bristol

ACEO stands for Art Cards, Editions and Originals. These are 3.5"x2.5" works of art in any medium that are bought, sold and traded amongst artists and patrons. They can be found on most auction sites like eBay and Etsy. They are often very inexpensive and a great way to own a little piece of your favorite artist's work. You can also find them by typing in ATC (Artist Trading Cards) in the search field on auction sites. Proper matting and framing can turn these miniatures into something quite grand.

Art cards for trading have quite a history. During the 16th century they were used as "wallet photos" of a man's mistress. They were detailed nudes that the man carried around without his wife knowing. Today men just surf the net for internet porn. I guess not much has changed.

I am not certain if I will make a habit of creating such little works but I just might. However, I did take great joy in playing with the format and trying my hand in it. If you would like to purchase my ATC of "Come Sit Here" please contact me. The scene is from the park in Pennsville, on a lovely breezy evening, looking out at the Delaware Memorial Bridge. My pup Gracie sat at my feet while I sketched in my Moleskine. Then I came right home and did the colored pencil version. I probably will do a larger version in acrylic on paper some time this week.

Why not try your hand at this age old tradition. Go on...I dare ya to have some fun!

On Being Precious

Top:
"Under the Bridge"
on site sketch in my moleskine journal
Delaware Memorial Bridge, Pennsville

Bottom:
"Under the Bridge"
9"x6" acrylic on paper

If perception is reality then what does it mean to treat one's work as being precious? For me it means taking things much too seriously. Art making is a gift and is meant to be made with passion and excitement. Too often we are afraid of judgment and therefore every stroke must be perfect. This is where many artists run into blocks of their creativity. If every step is scrutinized the joy is lost. There is a fine line between taking care with a brushstroke and killing it before it ever hits the canvas.

It all comes down to enjoying the process. This is my mantra of late. With my energy limited, every moment of my day must be cherished. There no longer is time for drudgery. I've always enjoyed my work but now it is crucial.

Perception

This is Carlton. Big biker dude with serious ink covering his body, long hair and a belly that has enjoyed a few beers. He's a Vietnam Vet. Would you shy away from him at a party or sit next to him for a long chat? We've all seen and known folks like this and depending on your own background you have an opinion or idea on your head of what he is all about. This is your reality. The truth is that your reality is only a perception of what is truly there. Now, I don't mean to get all deep and spew a bunch of crap at you. I really don't take myself that seriously. What I'm trying to say is that every single one of us sees life and others through the eyes of our own experiences. Everything is colored by what we think we know. Often we think others see things the way we do. We know it isn't so but we tend to do it anyway.

This is something I always catch myself thinking about. How altered is my vision? How do others perceive me/my art and does that really matter? The glory of being an artist is that I get to spend my day creating visual representations of the world as I see it. The fly in the ointment is that when you view my art, you see what you want to see based on what is comfortable to you. At the end of the day, I must be satisfied with the process and that I captured my vision with drawing or painting because in the end you may not see what I intended. That's ok.

I guess I answered my own question.

Marking Time

I can’t believe that this time last year I already had a tumor growing inside my chest. It is now 8 months since I starting looking for an answer to why I felt like crap and just over 6 months since my official diagnosis of lymphoma. So much can happen in a year it is mind blowing. I cried when I thought about it. I’m not sad by any means but amazed at how much my life has changed, let alone my look. It is surreal still, almost shocking.

How can these photos possibly be me? I’m not certain I know the woman in those photos. Yet, there is no doubt that I know her all too well. I’m not in denial. I know all too well that I have cancer. Every time I take a deep breath I feel what is left of the tumor. Every time I look in the mirror I’m not yet comfortable with the woman looking back. Only when I look inward do I see the Lori that I know. She is very much there, showing her strength and learning so much. I am proud of her.

I used to mark my life by events like buying my house and starting my own business. To think I thought quitting my job was the scariest thing ever. That is now quite laughable. My new life markers will be things like the first time I will use a brush on my new hair and the first time the doctors will say the word “remission” with me in the room. Someday they may even officially say “NED” (No Evidence of Disease). However, don’t think for one minute I will remember my life through only cancer related events. No, that would not be like me at all.

Determination is my trademark and I am determined to turn this experience into something really positive. It already has been. I’ve made some great new friends and have learned how truly wonderful people can be. I’ve gained a new perspective on what is important and see even greater beauty in all things. Now, I am starting to be well enough to make plans. I can already see the paintings I will create and new directions for my business. Volunteer work and a master’s degree are also in my future. My personal life is looking up as well. I have enough energy now to feel excitement. These things will be the subjects of my future blog posts. I look forward to them.

If you have a moment please visit my friend Liz’s blog site. She finished radiation almost a week after I did. She rocks. (I’m two weeks out of treatment.) She is far more eloquent than yours truly. Also, if you did not get the opportunity to see the special on Living with Cancer, hosted by Ted Koppel, I recommend viewing it when it is shown again. If you are not familiar with Leroy Sievers take some time read about him as well. Even before you met me I’m sadly certain you were touched by cancer. If you get nothing else from all of us get this one thing. Make each day special because it is.

Ripening Fruits

"Ripening Fruits", 24"x30" oil on canvas, is finally done. This piece pays homage to all things new and sweet that are yet to see their finest hour. Canine Partners for Life will be holding their annual wine auction on December 1st and this painting will be featured as the main event. Signed prints will be available so please contact me if you are interested in either bidding on the original or purchasing a print.

I do not post much about my battle with lymphoma (lower case letters because it doesn't deserve more than that) because I'm always torn between posting business and personal information. However, as an artist it is hard to separate the two. Everything I paint, if it is to be successful, must come from the heart. Otherwise you could grab a camera and take your own pictures. There would be no need for me. Though I try very hard to continue on with my life in the most normal of fashions, cancer has colored everything. Some things like the smell of the rain coming down now are made more beautiful by this evil. Other things like planning my future are made far more difficult. Though I'm quite certain I have a beautiful life ahead of me I realize plans are only ideas that suck up precious time.

I am so thankful to all of you who continue to support me and hold my hand through this journey. I just learned that another week of radiation has been added to my treatment. I "planned" on radiation being quick, easy and painless. What a silly plan that was. However, no experience is ever all negative and I promise you I've had some good laughs even through this. Besides, why would I want to stop going to radiation when I can sit across from the man every day who's hospital gown reveals all his "stuff". Radiation...a few thousand dollars a treatment. Seeing an senior citizen's "package"...priceless.

Still Working on the CPL Wine Auction Painting

I have not fallen off the face of the earth. Nope. I've been very busy working on the painting for the Canine Partners for Life wine auction. I still have about a week's worth of work to do on it. The background is only in the beginning stages and the puppies still have rough edges. It is a large canvas and is 24"x30". Basically my life is about painting puppies and trying to rest. Spring is here so hopefully thing will get more interesting.

I would like to invite you to read an article I found the other day while searching for information on lymphoma. It is written by someone with TMJ but it is relevant to any battle against any disease. Many have asked where I have been and how I am feeling. On a clinical note I am about to start radiation and that will last for about 5 weeks. On a personal note, this article says it better than I could. Why reinvent the wheel?

Dog Portrait - Kujo

Kujo is in the house. This is a little portrait of my friend Susan's dog that she commissioned me to do for her sweetie. I think this pup is such a handsome guy. The sun is shining so brightly outside I couldn't photograph the drawing so I had to scan it. Unfortunately the scan doesn't do it justice. However, I'd pick a beautiful day over photographing art anytime. Hope the sun is shining where you live!

What the Hell Is This?

Don't you see a magnificent painting happening here? You think I'm nuts? That's beside the point. What you see here is the development stages of my painting for Canine Partners for Life's wine auction. I've decided to paint larger than usual and went for a 24x30 inch canvas. The image will be new born pups nestled in grape vines. I have the drawing of the 15 lab pups all sleeping together finished. I cut out one pup from my sketch to show you here. Then my dear friend Denise helped me create imaginary puppies out of socks and polar fleece and surrounded them with craft store foliage. (That was her brilliant idea. She's a witty one.) We only needed a few grapes and leaves and just moved them around the "pups" and photographed them so that I could paste it all together in Photoshop. Now I will take this picture, along with some photo reference of some juicy grapes and an old painting I did of grapes and leaves in college and create a beautiful stylized drawing around my finished drawing of the pups. When that is complete next week I will go for the canvas! I can't wait.

At the same time I am also working on a commission of a dog portrait. The dog's name is Kujo. I will share that as that gets closer to finish. Also on the easel is my second self portrait that is in the drawing stages. If you would like to see a photo of the first one finished, email me and I will be happy to share it with you.

Stay warm and dry on this rather nasty Valentine's Day. I'm just warming up after having lost power for a few hours. Poor Gracie was getting cold!

A Few Words on Barbaro

It is certainly sad news to hear that Barbaro, who had brought so much hope and joy to the racing world, had to suffer so much, only to be euthanized in the end. He was a horse full of power and class. Few are of that caliber and we as humans just thrive on that type of energy.

I would like to comment on a few negative things I heard in the media. First, there is the belief that the effort to save this horse was purely for the money that his offspring might bring in breeding. If you know anything about horse racing you know that only live semen is acceptable. A horse with this type of injury would never be able to "perform" that type of duty. Sure his owners and caregivers could have hope but the odds of that were slim to none. Second, there have been comments that racing in general is cruel. Again, if you have ever worked around the majestic thoroughbred, you would know that these animals were meant to run. Stand next to one that has been brought to the race track for racing and it is like watching a boxer getting ready to go into the ring. There is nothing like it. Just as in every sport, there is ugliness in horse racing. Man has tried to chemically improve on every sort of athlete from baseball players, cyclists to race horses. That is sad but the sport of kings should not be held responsible for this behavior alone. Lastly, I have seen mention that horses should just be left to be horses. Do these people mean to say that horses should be left in the wild? If so, don't they realize there is pain there as well from starvation, untreated injuries, being hunted or worse yet being hit by lightening. Man has domesticated this animal and needs to take care of his charge. I was not for the surgery on Barbaro because I knew the slim chance this horse had. However, I have great hopes that much was learned in the process and that many other horses will benefit from his 8 month struggle to live.

My eBay auction for an 8x10 pet portrait ends this evening. Please check it out and bid. This would make a great Valentine's Day gift for your pet lover.

A quick note to my friends and family to thank them on their well wishes concerning my last treatment. You all made the process so much easier with your kind words and prayers. Thank you all.

Gracie's Face and Ebay Offer

Everyone always asks me if I have any paintings of my Gracie. Nope. The shoemaker's kids have no shoes. I did do this little sketch of her today out of guilt. Actually I drew her face out of love. She's been such a good girl these days I couldn't imagine being without her. Don't ask me how I felt about her a few months ago.

I haven't had an Ebay auction in a long time. Well, as of 8pm these evening that will change. For the first time ever I will make an exclusive offer on Ebay. I am auctioning a custom graphite pet portrait, 8"x10" with mat on archival paper, for the very low starting bid of $99. This size and price is only available on Ebay and not from my main site. I do not plan to auction a portrait at this special price often. So, now is a unique opportunity to commission me to create a lasting memory of your beloved pet. Tell your friends and family and bid, bid, bid!

Puppy Attitude

If you have loved a pet you know the look. Your pet takes something of yours and refuses to return it to you all the while giving you "that look". The "you can have it and I dare you to take it" look. I'm playing around with ideas for the painting I'm doing for CPL and their wine auction. I'm required to use an image of a Labrador Retriever. This is from an image my dear artist friend Terri Amig sent me. If you have any photos of true Labrador Retriever dogs or puppies that I might be able to use, there is a free print of the finished work in it for you!

I have a bit of nonsense for a moment to share. Since I've had more time for evil television lately I've become addicted to cooking shows. I just have one question. Who is this Giada chick? Darn she is pretty. Wasn't Rachael Ray cute enough? C'mon guys, if we eat the food these beautiful ladies cook we would all end up looking like Paula Deen(bless her). These girls spit that food out into a bag when we aren't looking. Also, where are all the hot studs cooking? Mario Batali? I think not. Bobby Flay...ech. I'm outraged. I can't wait until I can stop subscribing to cable again. This is just too much to take. Now where is my EVOO?

Oh, one last thing, yes this sketch was dated with tomorrow's date. Oops. They call it "chemo-brain". I think I wasn't all there to begin with.

Deb Lynam...are you happy I posted again?

Can You Smell the Puppy Breath?

Melanie from Canine Partners for Life emailed me a picture of BeeLee, photographed in October, who is now a 7 month old lab puppy. I just had to take a few moments to do a little pen sketch of him. Don't you just love a puppy? They have such warm bellies and that sweet puppy breath that later turns into doggie breath of death. It did this heart good to think of their goodness for a bit so I thought I would share.

Chanukah T'was for the Dogs

I'm a little late for posting a Chanukah image. So sue me. I sketched this quickly in my new Moleskine sketchbook. I've decided only to allow images created from my imagination and not those from observation in this book. I have other sketchbooks for those. Yes, the inspiration for this doodle was from a photo but it that is where the need for the photo stopped. I want to thank Li at WetCanvas for this one. She creates gorgeous silk art as well as paintings and has a great heart. Thanks Li.

Funny, I started this blog just about this time last year. I can't believe that New Years Eve is almost here again. It will be a wash for me since I have chemo on Friday but thoughts of 2007 still fill my head. I was thinking about resolutions and such and had to laugh at my first thought. "I resolve not to get any form of cancer ever again!" How's that? I actually might have more luck with that than a resolution about diets. Sigh.

HAVE A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Wishing You Peace

The holidays fast approach. For those of us who are Jewish they are already here. I wanted to take a moment to wish everyone Happy Holidays and most of all Peace. This is a page out of my new Moleskine sketchbook thanks to Nance and Joyce at 4Tails. This is just an image from my heart. I am lucky for I truly feel quite at peace and I wish the same to all of you.

I also want to thank all the folks at my gym. There was a birthday card waiting for me today signed by all the other gym rats. I was so touched I almost fell off my treadmill (how is that different than any other day I wonder). A big thank you goes out to the folks at WetCanvas as well. You ladies know who you are. Thanks Li for never forgetting about me. Also a shout out goes to my friend G at U of P. He is making sure that I remain strong on a cellular level. Nutrition and fitness are everything people (this being typed with a sugar cookie in my hand). Also Trac and Jen, you ladies rock.

I mention all of these "thank you's" because I often don't realize how many people care about me. One thing that I've learned is that one doesn't have to do anything big to make a difference. Everything that we do and say is like dropplets of water in a pond. The ripples go out far and wide. Don't gag here, I'm quite seriouse. This may be one of the most important things I've ever learned.

Happy Chanukah...Merry Christmas...Peace and Happiness to All!

Having a No Hair Day

Ok, so you say you're having a bad hair day huh? I guess I got you beat! Ha! Seriously, I am doing well and enjoying getting back to a level of some normalcy. My plan was to spend the afternoon painting but I think I did too much yesterday and this morning so I'm going to relax the rest of this day. I'm very excited that I've been able to paint a little (this installment shows the glazing I've done) and get back to the gym. Well, I'm not doing kick boxing or pumping iron but the treadmill is my friend again and it is good to hang with the other gym rats.

I'm proud to announce that I've been chosen as next year's artist for Canine Partners for Life's 10th Anniversary Wine Auction. You can check out the artist's work for this year here. I consider it an honor and I can't wait to start on my own version of a Labrador. Warm fuzzy puppies maybe? Signed prints will be offered from this piece so I want it to be something that just tugs at your heart and is beautifully rendered. I will also donate a portion of the proceeds of my own sales to CPL. I'm really pumped to get started.

Gracie is having her other knee operated on tomorrow morning. Poor little pittie. She and I will convalesce together since my next chemotherapy is scheduled for December 12th, my 37th birthday. Oh heck, I guess I blew the lie I was telling that I was 29...again. What do you mean you never believed that tale anyway?

Sinead O'Levin

Spent some time in the studio today. This is the beginning of my self portrait, Sinead O'Levin. With energy low, I was only able to complete the sketch but was thankful to be painting at all. This is a 16"x20" oil on canvas. There is absolutely no significance to the red paint mixed with the charcoal used for drawing. I usually start in red because I just darn feel like it. In college they usually had you start in umbers or siennas. I use red because I can. My plan for this piece is to knock it out with big brush strokes and no fussing around in one day. I hope to do that one day next week when I come back to the studio. It takes a while to warm up when you aren't painting everyday so it might take me two days to complete. This isn't about creating a masterpiece. It is just about the act of putting paint on the canvas. That simple.

Being that I now look like the Taco Bell dog, all skin and eyes, I find showering very unfulfilling. When one does not have any hair to shampoo or shave there isn't much to do in the shower. I've now taken to the habit of buffing my feet and elbows. So much so I think I'm wearing off the skin in those areas. However, don't think I get ready any faster in the morning. Oh no! Now I painstakingly apply very smokey looking eye makeup to make up for the missing hair.

Speaking of hair, I bought a blonde wig. Yup, her name is Pamela. I'm much more fond of the scarf but it seems other folks feel more comfortable with the wig. I think it helps them relax. So, in certain situations you just might see Pamela out and about. Keep your eyes open for that because she really doesn't get out much.

I want to send a special thanks out to Joe P. from www.photojoe.com . He is an unbelievable photographer and just a heck of a nice guy. Check out his site and enjoy the music there too. Ooh, don't forget his blog because it is always worth reading.

One last thing is my playlist for painting. Check out or download Christina Aguilera's "Fighter" and "Beautiful", India Arie's "I Am Not My Hair" and "This Too Shall Pass" and finally Melissa Etheridge's "I Run for Life". It really goes with the painting!

Thanksgiving in Silk Pajamas

Hey you can’t beat that right? My family is coming to the house to prepare everything and all I have to do is show up in my best silk pajamas. Talk about service. I will wear a hat or scarf though so as not to shed on their mashed potatoes! I’m quite thoughtful like that.

I am so thankful for so many things this year. I’m alive and doing great. I’ve been given the opportunity to see life with a new and healthier perspective. I have new goals and dreams. I look good in a hat. Chemo treatments get easier. Did I mention I look good in a hat? I’ve had the opportunity to spend time with my mother in a way that I will remember forever. I have so many friends and family that love me and I never feel alone. Ever. I am so very blessed. I guess I am thankful for everything.

My next chemo treatment is on my birthday, December 12th. How fitting. I think I will have a t-shirt made saying “Bald Women Do It Better”. I will stuff my bra and parade around the oncology floor until I get a laugh. Try me. I have to admit I stole that idea with pride. Maybe I’ll bring a camera to prove to you that I did it.

So, I wish all of you the best on this holiday. Enjoy those around you. I know these times can be hectic but try to take a deep breath and remember the alternative.

Thank you everyone for your kind emails and phone calls. Nancy at the Harem in Carney’s Point, thank you for cutting my hair and taking care of my tears. Go to her if you need a good style…she rocks! Thank you Jen for checking up on me…and Trac and Kleo. Thanks everyone. Oh…maybe in a bit, my next post will have art! I can’t wait.

Happy Thanksgiving.

xo

Even Cancer Doesn't Make Me Skinny

I'm a medical mystery. What else is new?! How can anyone with a tumor the size of two babies heads in them not lose weight is what the doctors want to know. Well, they never met a Levin. I just had to throw in a little humor for all of you who send me such lovely emails and gifts. I have so many great folks to thank it might take my entire recovery to get it done. Really, thank you everyone for so much support and positive thoughts. It is working.

While I am staying with my mother and eating her out of house and home thanks to Prednisone (an evil drug that I am loving at the moment), I do have access to email. I have a dial-up connection of 26.4 kbps! Woo hoo! I do not have any of my email addresses with me. So, I ask everyone to please email me so I can hit "reply" and to please not send photos until my prehistoric computer connection changes. This should be for about 3 weeks or so. I'm just thrilled to be connected.

Many have asked me the details of my lymphoma. I found a website that explains it pretty well so I am sharing the link with you. http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Cancertype/Lymphomanon-Hodgkins/TypesofNHL/MediastinallargeB-cell I'm Stage II with an approximately 15 centimeter mediastinal large B-cell lymphoma. If you are going to get a cancer this is a good one to get because they can probably get rid of it. I will go through 6 courses of CHOP-R chemo and then radiation in February. My second dose is supposed to be the day before Thanksgiving. I think the holiday has new meaning for me now. I am so excited that my family will be with me for that day.

Thank you again everyone for your thoughts and prayers. They work and I am thankful. More updates in a few days.

xo

Lori

PS Please excuse typos...spell check is not working on Blogger for me today. :) Neither is my brain.

Normally on my blog I try not to get too personal. Often I fall from that mark because I feel sometimes it is good to share and it gives people an idea about what drives my art. Right now I am going to share my most personal entry yet.

I have been ill for some time as some can see by the lack of art posts. Recently I have been hospitalized and have been diagnosed with Lymphoma. This is a very curable form and as soon as my tumor shrinks and puts me out of risk I can continue my chemo treatments at home. My art will then take a new turn for me I believe and I will focus on self portraits for a while. I feel I need something cathartic and extremely self indulgent. It will be about healing.

I write this because I have so many cyber friends that I know will pray for me. I belive in all kinds of prayer and positive thoughts. I ask now for everyone just to visualize this big ugly tumor shrinking by leaps and bounds so I can go "home" and stay with my mother for a while and be close to the people I love. I am so very blessed to have the best family in the world and friends that have not let me down. This is not a time to be sad but a time to be strong. I need laughter and tough people by my side. If you know me you know I'm stubborn and not easily beaten.

Don't worry, I will be fine and better for it. I do believe everything we go through has a reason. I don't know what that is right now but time will tell. So "think shrink" for me so I can get those healing brushes in my hands.

Love to my family and friends.

Lori

Always Take a Second Look

The leaves are turning and the cool breezes are starting to turn into chilly winds. I love this time of year. However, I thought I would give you one last fleeting glimpse of the summer we left behind. I try to have my camera at the ready at all times and on this day I was lucky enough to have done so. I was going to a restaurant with a friend when I saw this cute boy fishing. At first I just wanted to photograph him but then I took a second look and got the joke. This was a good reminder to always take the time to really observe what is around us. A good laugh is always around the corner.

I know, you are wondering where the art is. It is coming I promise. Gracie and I are quite tired of convalescing and are on the road to recovery. In 6 weeks she will have her second surgery so I better get healthy soon! It is good to just be in the studio.

Until then I thought I would list some blogs that I enjoy. If you visit, tell them Lori sent you.

http://www.wuli.com/
This is my friend Carl's site. He is an artist among other other things and is good at ranting!

http://jenzstudio.blogspot.com/
My internet buddy Jen is a fellow dog lover and queen of Greyhound art as well as any other 4-legged creature.

http://piscesplace.blogspot.com/
Kleo is in California and posts a lot of neat stuff about Vegetarianism and Judaism. Good stuff.

http://runswithdog.blogspot.com/
Trac is a runner, a vegan and Greyhound lover...what more is there to say?

http://greywarenart.blogspot.com/
Maggie is an incredible artist, cat lover and sells big on eBay. Her work rocks.

http://www.deniseerickson.com/
Not a blog but an incredible artist and friend. Her work is unique and mezmerizing. Oh...did I mention what an animal lover she is?

http://www.veltridesign.blogspot.com/
Nancy is just the most talented designer and an animal lover and a vegetarian. Can you see the theme here?

http://www.4tails.blogspot.com/
Need a company logo, website, business cards or overall company image...visit here!

Gracie Update and Thanks

Thank you everyone for your care and concern. It means so much.

Gracie is doing much better. Her regular personality has returned. Her leg is healing nicely and the staples will be removed in a few days. She did end up tearing the other ACL as I had feared but the vet said her ligaments were just bad and better to catch them both early on. Lord knows we all have our defects. The good news is that in 6 weeks we can operate on the other one before there is joint damage and she should be set for some years of good running miles. Something we both miss very much.

I also wanted to thank you guys for the healing wishes on my shoulder. Turns out I don't have any of the problems mentioned in the previous post but there was something wrong. I've learned a great lesson in all of this. Something I should have known but I never seem to learn. We should always trust ourselves to know when something is not right with our bodies and keep searching for answers if the ones given don't seem to jive. We are meant to be productive creatures and when our normal routines become difficult it is a red flag. I always tend to blame myself when I am not accomplishing anything and I start to throw around the word lazy. I go to the source I think is responsible which is me. I was wrong. There are times that instead of looking inward we must look outward for explanations and help. Someday I'll get this right. The moment I do get it right I think I will live a much more relaxed and happy life. So this New Year truly has brought changes for me. I may not like the package they have come in but I appreciate the lesson all the same.

So hang in there my friends. New and exciting art will be back in a few weeks. The canvases are calling and now I can hear them!

Cruciate Ligament Surgery Photos

Ouch.

Have a Little Pity for the Pittie

Thank you everyone for your emails of concern for Gracie. I thought I would post an update on her condition so you would know exactly what is going on. Will post pictures of her leg tomorrow...Blogger is being a pain.

She had surgery 3 days ago and today seems to be the worst of it. Anyone that has ever had surgery knows that day #3 is always the ugliest and most painful. It isn't any different for my viscous pit-bull. She does not want to eat or walk today. She doesn't want to put weight on the good leg today. I guess that is because the muscles are so tired from carrying the extra load. The surgery required the removal of the torn cruciate ligament and then drilling of a hole in the bone so that a nylon replacement could be looped through to hold the joint in place. The leg requires 15 minutes of icing 3 times a day as well as range of motion exercises for 1 week. She must stay on a leash and be monitored and kept quiet (though today that is not an issue) for some time. In two weeks she will have her stitches removed and be allowed to walk to the neighbors house and back 5 times a day. Each week there are more rehabilitation exercises added to her day. She will not be allowed to go back to school for at least 6 weeks. I will need to start drinking more within about a week of this and should develop my alcoholism within a month. Did I mention in all of this I also have been visiting the doctor for bicipital tendonitis and possilbe tears in my left rotator cuff (the pain of it prevents me from sleeping)? The EMG test was really fun yesterday. Not. I have not slept more than 4 hours a night in 3 weeks. I was supposed to fly out to New Mexico this Friday for a trip to ignite my artistic mind. Instead I will probably go to shul to keep myself from downing a bottle of tequila by myself that night. Wouldn't want to be hung over whilst performing Gracie's exercises! LOL!

Seriously, that tight shot of Gracie's mug just breaks my heart. She looks like she is suffering. Oh my poor furry baby. If I get some sleep I think all this will be funny in the morning. If not there is always tequila. Don't worry, I won't eat the worm...you know how I feel about animal products!

Rottweiler and Finished Horse Portrait

More heads! I promised you a better photo of Bud and this was the best I could do. The large pencil works are nearly impossible for me to photograph. Maybe I need a professional. The rottweiler is Max. I have a real fondness for this type of dog. The strong head and stoic look gets me every time. However, every rottie I ever met was a big baby.

Speaking of big babies, I have some troubling news to report on my pup. Miss Gracie has a torn ligament in her hind leg that requires surgery. The good news is that after surgery, with 8-10 weeks of rest and making me crazy, she should be able to resume normal activity. The bad news is that there is a 50% chance that she will tear the other one within a year or so. I am a tad stressed over this news but know it could be worse. Gracie is the most expensive "free dog" I've ever had. However, it isn't about the money and I still feel lucky to have her as my fuzzy friend. I need to have my head examined.

dog portraits
pet portraits

Quick Dog Pet Portrait

This little pug drawing was done as a sample for a future business partnership with Posh Pet Parties. I will keep you posted as we progress with our business plans. I have great hopes that that our idea will take off so that I can spend all my time creating pet portraits and someone else can work at promoting them. Marketing creates such a frustration level for me that I am looking at as many creative solutions as possible. Like most other artists, I just want to make art and leave the business stuff to the business people. That is why most artists starve. They just don't want to do the business end that will afford them the ability to be artists.

You can click here to visit the site of my friend and fellow artist Carl B. Johnson. There you can see photos from the Phantom Gallery. His tone is very "frank so be warned! His lady Liz Nicklus is also an awesome artist and you can see her site here. I feel so blessed to have met them and call them friends. You will be hearing more about them I'm sure in the future.

I also want to send a big "CONGRATULATIONS" out to my friend and food policeman, Dave Pulcinella, for his big win at a national level body building competion. If you want to know how to eat properly and get in shape, Dave is the person to go see. I'm wearing the same size I did when I was 20 (not so long ago...ha) because of his help. This guy is the ultimate pro. Way to go Dave!

Finally a quick "GOOD LUCK" to Vicki Nixon for this weekend's pro body building event in Atlantic City. I'll be there cheering for my dear friend and bun buster. Go get 'em tiger!

Next posting I will show you the final image of Bud.

Have a great weekend everyone and Happy New Year to my fellow Jews!

dog portraits
pet portraits

Horse Portrait - Graphite Drawing of Bud - 4th Step -Marination

Last night I showed my work in a Phantom Gallery with other local South Jersey artists in Pennsgrove. It was a nice turn out and the free wine tasting took care of my upset when one of my pieces went crashing to the floor and the frame bit the dust. I met some great people and had great response to my work. I hope to get the pictures of that soon to share with you. Tonight I'm going to Millville to their 3rd Friday event to hang out with some artist friends and drink more bad wine. Tomorrow I will run 6 miles to try to make up for my evil ways. One never makes up for the other though and I will never learn.

Anyway, here is the 4th installment of Bud and his portrait. (Sorry for the dark photo, it is raining today.) This is the stage where it looks done but the picture must sit for 4 days or so without me looking at it so that it can "marinate". When I come back to it with a fresh eye, I will be able to touch up any last issues that stick out to me. Already I see the left side needs to be softened and more subtle. More things will rear their ugly heads in a few days. Also at that point I will turn the piece upside-down to find more things that need a little love. However, no matter what, I am not allowed to touch the piece for more than an hour so that I do not kill the beauty of the work. "Stop me before I kill again", I will repeat in my head over and over. It works for me...or is it the wine talking?

Oh yeah, Gracie is feeling better. She ran with me today and was a trooper until she went to greet a sweet little boy and tripped me. I won't be wearing a skirt for a long time. Also, I learned the hard way that her sensitive stomach could not handle the medicine the vet gave her. We won't discuss that. Let's just say we were both up all night.

Have a great weekend.

horse portraits
pet portraits

Canine Partners for Life Open House and Cow Bingo

What an incredible day! These photos were taken yesterday at the Canine Partners for Life Open House and Cow Bingo. Though I was there with a booth (see the two photos) to promote Soulful Studios, that seemed to be the least important part of the day for me. Never have I seen an organization of people that were more determined, focused and positive than the folks of Canine Partners for Life (great photos on this link). Everyone worked so hard and made me feel like part of the family. I felt so cared about and I was only a vendor! I've never seen so many positive individuals working their butts off without a complaint in all my life. I'm still going today from all of that great energy (or is it the sugar from the homemade ice cream and cookies...I'm so bad)!

Ok, so a little explanation. Canine Partners for Life trains and provides service dogs for all sorts of folks for all sorts of jobs. The recipients of these hard working canines come from many different states and truly appreciate the gift of a 4-legged working partner. It is an amazing thing to see people and animals working together doing daily tasks, with both the humans and the canines getting something out of it. This is something you must see for yourself to truly appreciate. They have many events to educate the public and to raise money (it isn't cheap to raise/train one of these pooches). I urge you to come out to one of these events (I will post the next one) and check it out. If you can't do that they will happily schedule a tour as well. I cannot recommend the experience enough.

So what's going on with the photos you ask? Cow Bingo? Ah yes. The cow was the main event. Uma the cow stood with the Dairy Princess in a field of 3,000 squares, representing a purchased raffle ticket. You know where this is going don't you? We all stood waiting for the cow to um, well...pooh. The first cow patty was worth $5,000! (That is a bit frustrating because I struggle to get a few hundred dollars for my art and somebody else makes $5,000 off of bovine fecal matter.) Other prizes were awarded after that. You can see in the one photo the actual $5,000 moment. There is someone in the background even raising their arms as everyone else cheered for cow pooh. It was a hoot. Other photos show some of the activities that were there and the great people that were involved. You have to love the lady in the motorcycle and her service dog with shades on. (I believe her name is Lori as well.) The dog even had polished toenails to match the blue shirts! Now that is style.

Sorry for the disjointed sentences. I just have so many images and thoughts in my head that I can't get them all down fast enough. A quick thanks goes out to Janie, Jennifer and dear Melanie from CPL for all their help and caring. Even their families helped. CPL not only needs donations but host families for dogs and people to help raise puppies. Also, if you are thinking about getting a dog, check with them first because some dogs that have gone through training don't make it as a service dog but they make a wonderful pet that comes already trained. Really, if you want a furry companion contact CPL.

Again, thanks everyone yesterday for all your help. Thank you!

There will be more about CPL in future posts so come back often.

An update on dear Gracie will come later this week. I promise.

Horse Portrait - Graphite Drawing of Bud - 3rd Step

This one is maturing like fine wine...it is getting better VERY SLOWLY with time. Sometimes I can really work quickly and other times, with pencil drawings as large as this one, its seems to go at a snail's pace. This photo is really dark (consider that the paper is white) but I think you get the idea. It looks as if I am moving from top to bottom but I still consider the values of the whole before I commit to any area.

Off to buy "stuff" for my booth at the Canine Partners for Life Open House on Saturday. I figure by next year I should have my act together. Right?

Oh, a quick note on Gracie. I will get her blog together...looking to do it on the new Blogger, the Beta version. She is doing really well with her training. My "viscous" pit bull is getting compliments everywhere we go for her perfect behavior. Check out the site for where we are taking classes. The gang at K-9 Basics is the best! Unfortunately between getting ready for the booth and Gracie's recent "limping" issue, we have missed class this week. Hopefully we will both be back to school next week. I'm sure I'll have plenty to tell you all about with that!

horse portraits
pet portraits

Quick Cat Pet Portrait

Still working on Bud's portrait but had to finish this before I could horse around again. I was asked to do a small 8x10 inch drawing for Posh Pet Parties as a sample for a possible future product. Thought I would just give you a little glimpse of that. There will be more information about this possible business venture in the near future.

Big news! I just opened my own Cafe Press store. I have a few items showing now and more will be added each week. This store will feature lovely gift items such as tile coasters, gift boxes and mugs featuring my art. You can check out my store at http://www.cafepress.com/soulfulstudios or you can visit my Squidoo page and purchase the items there as well. This week I will be adding some horse and feline images as well as a coffee mug option.

Well, I spent the afternoon learning to set up my EZ-Up tent. Hmmm...not so easy by myself. Thank goodness for my cousin Frank lending a helping hand. This Saturday at the Open House for Canine Partners for Life will be my tent's big debut. I plan to do many charity events, dog shows and art fairs this spring. Now that I have the equipment I need to build my inventory of art. This is really exciting. I hope some of you can visit me this Saturday the 9th. Anybody want to help put up a tent? Ha! Just kidding.

Happy Labor Day everyone.

cat portraits
pet portraits